


Feelings, Courage, and Knowledge

by Mello_Drama_Reborn



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, [slaps hood of protagonists] you can fit so much lonliness and guilt in these bad boys!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:14:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 16,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23956693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mello_Drama_Reborn/pseuds/Mello_Drama_Reborn
Summary: Despite now being a veteran of the Survival Area, a trainer on par with the Elite Four, Pearl finds himself training on Mt. Coronet.Silver, having completed journeys in both Johto and Kanto, now travels to Sinnoh for a fresh start, having realized where he went astray in his quest for power, but still at a loss for how to make amends.They meet because they both get caught in a snowstorm, and Silver mugs Pearl for his tent.
Relationships: Silver (pokemon)/Jun | Barry | Pearl
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

"Uh oh."

Pearl lifted an arm to his face to shield it from the hailstorm increasing in strength around him, stopping his tired trudge through the snow a moment before his empoleon paused as well, turning back to look at its trainer.

"I don't think we're getting any further today, partner. Let's set up camp and wait it out."

Pearl wasn't even sure why he was training on Mt. Coronet. The wild pokémon on routes 216 and 217 were hardly a match for his team, even with the hail on their side, and the trainers he encountered weren't much better. By now he'd traveled across Sinnoh and taken on the pokemon league, but since then the constant progression of his journey had come to a sudden halt. At some point training in the Survival Area had started to feel like running in place, and loathe the stay in one spot, Pearl's restless feet brought him back to Snowpoint.  
Maybe it was because the harsh, snowy mountain reminded him of stories of Mt. Silver, where the first ever pokemon master was said to train. Maybe it was because it was the polar opposite of Stark Mountain, where Buck would taunt him as Pearl melted under the unfamiliar heat. Maybe it was just because it reminded him of home. Or maybe it was because it reminded him of Lake Acuity and the pokemon that lived there, reminded him why he had to be strong and what he was fighting for.

It was those thoughts that stopped him from noticing the darkening storm above him (or was that just him being the same as always, charging ahead without noticing anything around him?), and while he'd be able to push through the mountain's regular hail to get to the Snowbound Lodge, the storm building around him now was a true blizzard, piling the already deep drifts between him and the lodge to neck height.  
He wouldn't be a true Sinnoh trainer if he didn't know how to pitch a tent in the middle of a blizzard though, weighing down the corners to stop it from being tossed aside by the mountain winds and then bundling himself as tightly as he could inside. The wind and hail pelted ruthlessly against the tent, but the exhaustion of trekking through the deep snow and the relief of something akin to warmth quickly slipped Pearl to sleep…

…

… But not for long enough.

Blizzard winds roared outside the tent as the entrance flap was torn open, one heavy boot stomping inside.

"Get up and fight me!"

Pearl jolted awake, his head a mess of exhaustion and confusion as he looked up at the front of his tent. It was too dark to see anything, and with a groan he shut his eyes again.

"Wake up! I'm challenging you to a battle, and if I win, this tent is mine!"

"If you wanted to rob me, shouldn't you have done it while I was sleeping?"

"No way, I'm no coward! I'm fighting you for it!"

The loud, stubborn man continued to stand there with the tent flap open, and Pearl was too tired and cold to care that he was apparently some sort of tent mugger.

"If you're not going to do anything while I'm asleep, then wait until morning. I'm too tired to fight."

"If I wait, I'll freeze! You fight me now!!"

At this, Pearl's eyes slowly opened again.  
This guy didn't have a tent. In the middle of route 217. In the middle of the night. In the middle of a humongous blizzard.

"... Why not just get in the tent with me? That way no one freezes."

Pearl thought he could hear some surprised spluttering from the tent mugger, and Pearl pushed himself up from his bedroll, the wind from outside biting at his arms as he reached forward.

"Until we battle, it's both our tent, right? Now hurry up, you're letting the cold in!"

Not willing to wait for the stranger's reply, his hands found the front of his jacket, pulling him inside.


	2. Chapter 2

Silver woke up with the immediate feeling that something was off. After a moment, he identified this ‘something’ as humming outside his tent, at first unnerving, and then alarming as it moved right outside the entrance.

“Ohh, you awake? Morning!”

Though he’d braced himself hard enough for his travel weary limbs to cry out in complaint, the face that poked inside the tent was warm and friendly - though not familiar, Silver studying the blond haired boy for any idea of his identity or motives. As he observed him wearily, the boy stepped inside the tent, and Silver could see that he was holding two steaming mugs.

“I made breakfast!” The stranger let himself fall back so he was sitting beside Silver, handing him a mug before starting to blow into his. “It’s just instant stuff, but at least it’s warm, right?”

Silver looked down into his mug, identifying it easily as miso soup. Frowning, he glanced over again at the boy beside him, just in time to watch him take a large gulp of the soup before wincing in pain, having definitely just burnt his tongue.

“... Who are you?”

“Huh? The owner of this tent, dummy.” Silver couldn't help but snort at his choice of insult combined with his new slurred speech. “Normally I wouldn’t allow breakfast in the tent, but until we battle, it’s half yours too, so I’m _sure_ you’ll be careful not to spill.” He said the last part with a smug grin, tugging the blankets over his lap before starting to blow on his mug again. “That, and it’s really hot.”

“I noticed...” Silver continued to stare at the boy beside him, hesitantly starting to lift his mug to his lips. “Second question: are you completely out of your mind?”

“Huh?” The look he gave Silver was as dumb as the man certainly was. “Well, I’ve had a bit less sleep than I’d like, thanks to a certain someone... But I probably would’ve been too freezing to sleep last night if you never showed up, so I guess that’s worth a cup of soup!” He finished the line with a grin, taking another drink of his soup. “So! Have a name? I’m Pearl, by the way.”

“... Silver.”


	3. Chapter 3

Though by now there was no point, Pearl and Silver had their battle after breakfast.  
Pearl had expected something on the level of most of route 217’s usual trainers, but he should’ve known better - this guy wasn’t from around here, which means he came off the boat from the Battle Frontier.  
Still, Silver was probably expecting the same of Pearl, and he’d wondered how the stubborn night mugger would react to an opponent on the level of Sinnoh’s Elite Four - and was pleased to see it was with a daring smile, both grinning at the battle that was leagues above any they’d had against the trainers they’d fought elsewhere on the mountaintop.  
At least, until Pearl won. Then Silver wasn’t grinning anymore.  
Pearl still was though.

"Now, if you'd like to help me pack up _my_ tent, I'd be happy to guide you back to the pokemon center in Snowpoint-"

"I'm not going back there." Silver didn't bother looking up at Pearl, pulling a potion from his pack and starting to treat his sneazel. "I already defeated the gym there, so there's no point in going back."

"Oh, you're doing the gym challenge?" Silver just nodded, barely paying attention as he cared for his pokemon. "... In that case, why don't we go to the lodge up there to take care of our pokemon, and then I'll help you through Mt. Coronet?"

"Wha- since when was there a lodge there!?"

Pearl couldn't help but laugh as Silver looked up, finally spotting the snowbound lodge sitting quietly not far from where they stood.

"Don't worry, even if you'd somehow seen it through the blizzard last night, you wouldn't have made it."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean!? I'm not so weak that a bit of wind will stop me!"

"That's how you talk about a blizzard? And anyway, that's not what I meant," Pearl smirked, taking a step into the snow between them and the lodge - and immediately sinking down to his shoulders. "I meant this."

Silver just looked at him dumbfounded.

"I know this area better than you do - you probably want to keep me around."

Silver continued to stare at Pearl as he climbed out of the massive snowdrift, giving him a smile as he shook away the snow clinging to him.

"... I don't get it. What do you get out of this?" 

"I never meet strong trainers like you outside the battle frontier, you think I'm letting you go without a rematch?" He grinned, Silver tensing under his challenging gaze. "You can thank me by giving me an even better battle once we're off this mountain! Maybe you can try a little harder to win?" 

Silver seethed as Pearl let out a laugh, immediately caving into the challenge.

"I'll do more than beat you!! I'll demolish you next time we battle, so be ready!!!"

"Hehe, I'm trembling in my boots~"

Pearl skipped away to start packing up his tent, letting his expression soften as crouched inside.  
It was more than the promise of a good battle that made Pearl want to stay with Silver a little longer: it was all the time spent traveling, training, and eating alone, alone with his thoughts asking how much of his life he was going to spend that way. After a few years of adventuring, he realized that the adventure he'd wanted was one with a friend at his side to share it with, he'd just been so excited to start it that he'd raced off and left that friend behind.

The night of the blizzard was one of many that he'd pitched camp himself, tired and discouraged, knowing he'd wake with all his muscles sore from tensing against the cold, and it was one of many that he'd wished he had someone with him to talk to through the night, a comforting presence and source of warmth in the middle of a cold and desolate wilderness.   
Maybe he shouldn't have been so happy to wake up with a stranger laying beside him, but that just showed how lonely he'd been. Telling someone good morning, chatting over breakfast, setting off together - it was a dream he wasn't going to give up so easily this time.

"So are you going to help me pack up this tent, or am I going to watch you trudge your way through that snowdrift before flying back to Snowpoint by myself?"

"Augh, fine!!"

Pearl let out another laugh, grabbing Silver's unfamiliar belongings from inside his tent and throwing them into the arms of his new traveling companion.


	4. Chapter 4

After healing their pokemon at the lodge, the remaining trek through route 217 went by quickly, the two easily double battling their way through wild pokemon far below their level. At first Pearl was constantly casting impatient glances over his shoulder to avoid leaving Silver behind as he led the way down the mountain, but he soon learned that Silver's competitive spirit extended to more than just pokemon battles, resulting in them both sprinting through the deep snow in an impromptu race to the bottom.

They were out of breath when they reached the entrance of Mt. Coronet's interior, leaning gratefully against the stone walls to rest their weary legs as they sought shelter from the endless hailstorm of the outdoors.

"So," Pearl couldn't help grinning as Silver broke the silence, "you know the way?"

"You kidding? I haven't wandered around this place since my first trek to Snowpoint. I have Fly, I don't have to backtrack through caves!"

"You were the one who said I should keep you around for directions…" Silver's response came through gritted teeth, and Pearl quickly got out his map, realizing Silver could still head off without him.

"You should, you should! Look, uh, these caverns stretch all across the region, but if you're doing the gym challenge than you'll want to go tooooo.." he held the map closer to the entrance for light, the winter winds nearly snatching it out of his hands, ".. to Eterna! That isn't too far, relatively speaking." Pearl turned to grin at his traveling companion, satisfied with his advice. "There, we know where to go. Let's go!!"

Silver jolted beside him as Pearl threw out a pokeball, his rapidash emerging in a fiery glow.

"What's that for!?"

"Huh? Light!" Pearl hopped onto his pokemon's back with practiced ease, stroking its flaming mane. "She glows, so we can run as fast as we want without hitting too many walls!"

"You're an idiot." Silver threw out two pokeballs of his own, a crobat and magneton floating up from where they landed.

"What're they for?"

"Crobat uses its sonar to navigate, and magneton lights the way."

"... That sounds a lot slower."

"Yeah, well I don't have anything to keep up with your rapidash, and hitting _any_ walls is 'too many'!"

Pearl frowned, but after a moment he reluctantly climbed off his mount, returning it to its pokeball.

"Fine. We'll do it your boring slow way."

Silver's boring slow way was a lot different than running as fast you could along the walls until you found an exit, and Pearl's regrets for running ahead of his rival were the only thing stopping his itching feet from hurrying ahead.  
The slow pace wasn't all bad - half the pokemon in the caverns were ones Silver had never seen before, and Pearl had never realized how much he wanted to watch someone see a nosepass for the first time until it was actually happening.  
Even so, the caves got monotonous fast, and Silver was even less of a talker with his pokemon using sonar to navigate for them. It was chilly, and awkward, and Pearl felt the itch to run build and build until finally he'd had enough, catching Silver by the wrist and pulling him ahead.

"Hey, what are you doing-?!"

"We can see the way forward, right? So what are we waiting for!?"

"Idiot, just because you don't see a wall in front of us doesn't mean-"

He didn't make it all the way through his warning before Pearl felt his foot fall through empty air, momentum carrying the rest of him over the ledge with Silver falling after him, his screams of complaint quickly being swallowed up as they crashed into cold water.


	5. Chapter 5

"Ohhh, gross gross gross!! I think I saw febass in there!!"

Pearl surfaced with a gasp, already shivering as he pulled empoleon's pokeball from his belt and unleashed it, the large penguin quickly bobbing to the surface for him to cling to. Silver's magneton was floating above the water, and from the light it gave off Pearl could see Silver hanging onto his crobat, the latter desperately pulling its master towards land. Pearl and empoleon moved to follow them, the two trainers eventually climbing onto shore.

"Are you an idiot!?"

Silver slapped Pearl's concerned hand away, his shoulders trembling with cold as he coughed up another mouthful of water.

"I'm really sorry, I just -"

"You just nearly got us killed is what you did! What if there hadn't been water below us!? These are novice adventure lessons!"

"Umm, I think rapidash was feeling the ground while she ran, so I never had to pay attention to holes or ledges or anything.."

Saying this, Pearl released rapidash from its pokeball again, immediately leaning into the warm glow it gave off. Silver just stared at him, wringing water from his hair as Pearl pressed himself against his pokémon, steam slowly rising where his wet clothes met the fire type's mane.

"Hey. Get over here."

"A rapidash's mane will burn anyone it doesn't trust. If you don't know that much, you really are a hopeless idi-"

"I know. Trust me."

Silver just continued to stare at him, body still trembling against the chill of the winter cave.

"Did you forget the part where you nearly got us both killed a second ago?"

"Hypothermia could still do it, you know." Any trace of brash confidence was gone now, replaced with a calm and grim determination. "You didn't have any fire types during our battle earlier. You need to get dry, now."

For a moment Silver looked like his pride was going to hold out, but after holding Pearl's gaze the stubborn look in his eyes died out, and he hesitantly approached.  
Pearl took off his soaking jacket, rapidash shifting uncomfortably as it was laid across its back, but it stayed still as Pearl cooed and thanked it softly. Then he turned to Silver, and after another moment of hesitation he peeled off his soaking jacket as well, Pearl taking it from him and laying it across his pokémon as well. After some more soothing, Pearl hurriedly gestured for Silver to kneel against the seated rapidash as well, and with its flaming mane quelled by the jackets, he was able to lean against its warm flank.

"Geez, as if this dang cave wasn't chilly enough without being soaked!"

Silver jolted as Pearl's arms suddenly shot out for him, wrapping around him despite his struggling. 

" _Now_ what the hell do you think you're doing!?"

"Trying to get warm, geez! Ever heard of body heat!?" 

Pearl's insistent arms tugged him closer, and Silver could feel him shivering just as hard as he was, his damp skin still somehow a relief compared to the cold air of the cave. Pearl pulled them both back against rapidash's side, unwrapping one arm from Silver to reassure it after the brief struggle, and Silver pulled himself tighter against him to make up for the loss of contact.

The situation was bizarre to Silver, almost overwhelming with stimulus. The cold discomfort of the cavern floor, the heat from rapidash dampened under the wet coats, and Pearl's trembling limbs clinging to him, uncomfortable and yet vital as he clung with equal urgency. Pearl shamelessly pressed his face into the crook of Silver's neck, and Silver could clearly hear his teeth chattering, his arms subconsciously tightening around him as if the pressure could suppress his trembling.

"... Once my coat is dry, I'll make us some soup, okay? We're probably dry enough to get out the blankets too." Pearl turned slightly in Silver's hold to feel his coat, nodding to himself before starting to slip it on. "Rapidash knows you're fine now, so hold onto her back until I come back, okay?"  
Silver just nodded, already missing the damp warmth of Pearl against him as he pulled away,  
quickly scurrying over to his pack and yanking out a blanket with one hand and a canister of repel in the other.   
"Thank goodness for waterproof packs, huh?"  
Pearl gave Silver a quick grin as he threw the blanket over him, his spare hand spraying repel across the space between them and the packs.

"... You should have the blanket, you're not touching rapidash anymore."

"And neither are you, cus I need her to help me light the fire." He gestured, and with a grunt, rapidash stood up and walked over to where Pearl was setting up his cooking gear, Silver quickly wrapping the blanket around himself tighter.

"... You seem like you've dealt with this before."

"Water starter. Empoleon always wanted to jump into every body of water he saw as a piplup, and who was I to deny him?" Pearl glanced up at Silver, smirking through still chattering teeth. "Meanwhile, you've definitely fallen through a cave floor before, huh? During your novice adventurer days?"

"... Crobat and magneton have never had feet. It didn't occur to them before ..."

Pearl barked out a laugh, and then he motioned rapidash to sit again, nestling back against her in front of the cooking fire.

"Looks like we both have some things to learn from each other. Now seems like a good time to trade stories though, huh?"

Silver looked at him, a welcoming smile lit by firelight, and then he settled down next to him, pulling the blanket around them both.  
Pearl immediately relaxed, leaning in against his shoulder, and again Silver thought that it was the kind of scene he'd never imagined himself in  
… but he wasn't upset to be there.


	6. Chapter 6

"Where are you from?"

It was a complicated question for Silver. In one sense the answer was Kanto, was his childhood home in the ever-green Viridian City, polar opposite of the endless snow and stone he'd seen of Sinnoh so far. In most other senses, though, it was Johto - the land where he'd adventured, pursued his dreams and had them crushed, had eagerly grown stronger and reluctantly grown kinder. It was the tower and dance hall of Ecruteak City that forced humility on him, the Dragon's Den that taught him what he lacked, the rival that showed him what it looked like not to.

Looking back on it, so many of his memories were shameful ones, reminders of why he left in the first place. He still wasn't sure how much he'd managed to change since then - and he wondered if the boy beside him would think he had, if he knew what he used to be like.

"Did you… not like where you came from? Is that why you came to Sinnoh?"

Pearl was looking at him with concern now, and immediately Silver thought that he was undeserving of it, wondered how much of his past guilt showed on his face.

"I came to Sinnoh to get stronger. That's all."

"Wouldn't it make sense to train at the Battle Frontier then? The trainers and pokemon over there are stronger than any here."

"That's-- the strength I'm looking for is different. If I stayed there, I'd only repeat my same mistakes."

"Different kinds of strength, huh? Kinda complicated for me… I guess, why do you want to be strong, then?"

Why? In the past, he'd pursued strength so he could beat anyone on his own - so he wouldn't be a man like his father, claiming power only to be easily beaten when he was alone. An embarrassment. A failure.  
But he'd went about it wrong. The way he trained, he was always one step behind - behind the kimono girls, behind Lance, behind his rival. He was always lacking something - the bond between trainer and pokemon, the trust and desire to do their best for each other, the ability to bring out the best in each other.

"I guess the strength I want is… to be a better person."

Pearl glanced over at him, his crobat seeming to sense something and flying over, Silver starting to stroke its head thoughtfully.

"I… I think I get that. I'm probably doing something similar - because I was weak, I couldn't help someone who needed me. That's why, I need to be better, I need to be stronger."  
Silver nodded, lost in thought as he stroked crobat's head.  
"... Were your pokemon hurt?"

Immediately Silver froze, crobat jolting as Silver's grip on it tensed.

"What makes you think that!?"

"Whoa, I'm sorry! It's just, looking at the way you're looking at your pokemon right now, it seems like something you'd really regret."

Silver relaxed a bit, crobat calming down as he resumed softly stroking it.

"... Why would you think that? What makes you think I'd care if something happened to my pokemon?"

"Of course you would! Crobats evolve through friendship, right?" Pearl reached over to pat crobat, the pokemon nuzzling affectionately into his hand. "If crobat evolved for you, that means he really trusts you. I'm not sure what mistakes you made before, but I think if you asked crobat, he'd say you're already a good person."

"... So you know _something_ about pokemon, at least."

"Hey!" Pearl gave him a playful shove with his shoulder, rapidash letting out another grunt behind them as Silver immediately shoved him back. "That's it! For that, you have to get up and get the soup! I'm kicking you out of the blanket!"

Silver grumbled, but reluctantly he grabbed his jacket from off of rapidash's back, giving it a soothing pat before stepping away towards the now boiling kettle. Pearl smiled as he watched him, his crobat and magneton hovering comfortably next to him - and then he noticed something.

"Hey, Silver?"

"What now?"

"Can you have magneton float out over the water? There's something weird over there."

Silver looked up at the reflections on the water, mostly small ripples carrying the glow of their campfire, but just at the edge of where their light reached, there was something else.  
He sent magneton out over the middle of the lake, and suddenly the water came alive, glittering with every color of the rainbow.

"Oh, oh, Silver! On the ceiling, look!"

Lifting his gaze from the water, Silver spotted the source of the reflection: a stalactite formation, magenton's light filtering through it and shining out in beams of rainbow light. Magneton seemed to have figured it out as well, dancing through the air to make the lights move and turn across the water.  
For a while, everyone simply watched the dancing lights, taking in the unexpected beauty of it -   
and then the more unexpected happened:

A giant pokemon leapt out of the water, lunging for magneton with a roar.


	7. Chapter 7

They only saw the pokemon for a moment: its long, smooth body sparkling with spray, its graceful face turning back towards the water as its patterned tail flipped out, narrowly missing Silver's magneton as it fled up through the hole they'd fallen through. With a splash it slipped back into the water, seeming to melt into the rainbow lights of the stalactite, and then the cavern was silent again, save for the panicked screeching of the returning magneton.

"What…. What was that?"

Silver absently pat his distressed pokemon as he stared at the spot in the water where the other had disappeared.

"I don't know, I'd never seen anything like that." Pearl was staring just as intently at the lake, the surface of the water now misleadingly calm, as if the great pokemon had also been a simple trick of the light. "It… It had to be a pokemon though, right?"

"Of course it was! What else could it be?!"

"I don't know, but I thought I'd seen all the pokemon around here!" Pearl got up, scrambling for his pack again. "If it's a pokemon, it's got to be like the Red Gyarados of the Sinnoh region, right?! We should catch it!"

"The- " Silver stopped as he watched Pearl pull out his fishing rod. "... You're not going to go out there on your empoleon, right? You just dried off."

"I can't just let this opportunity pass me by, right!? I'll dry off again!"

"... There's one pokemon you didn't see during our battle."

"What do I care?! I'm about to catch the Sinnoh version of the red-"  
Silver walked over to his own pack, pulling out a pokeball and tossing it over the water's edge.  
"... Gyarados…"

There, in the water in front of him, was the red gyarados Silver had caught at the Lake of Rage.  
And behind him, Silver was smirking.


	8. Chapter 8

The two of them didn't end up leaving the lakeside that day - after Pearl's major freak out over meeting the red gyarados (and begging Silver to let him feed it, which he eventually obliged), they decided to have a contest to see who could catch the mysterious pokemon first, both perching on gyarados's back in the middle of the circle of light (which they'd both convinced themselves was related to the pokemon somehow). Neither were patient trainers though (Pearl especially), and though Silver at first tried to force silence in case they scared away the fish, his patience eventually broke, and they began to swap stories again.

"So? You have to tell me how you managed to catch a _red gyarados_."

"Not by sitting quietly in the middle of a cave lake, I'll tell you that much."

"Awww, come on! You have to give me more than that! I'm letting you brag, you know!"

Silver stared at his bobber in the water, infuriatingly still, until he caved into the distraction from his mounting frustration.

"Everyone on my way to Mahogany Town was talking about the rampaging gyarados, especially the red one that was especially ferocious. Since the Lake of Rage is known for being full of furious gyarados, I knew that to be talked about that much, the red gyarados had to be especially strong, so of course I decided to catch it." Silver gave an absent-minded pat to his pokemon, recalling their first battle. "He wasn't hard to find - he was rampaging across the center of the lake, with even the other gyarados afraid to approach him. The other gyarados were agitated too though, so just reaching him was a trial." He failed to notice his chest puff out in pride as he finished "Of course, the battle was difficult - but as someone training to be the world's strongest trainer, there was no way I could fail."

"Suuure, tell that to the guy who beat you this morning." Pearl grinned as Silver gave him a glare, but quickly added "So then, why didn't you use him during our battle?"

"That's… There are a lot of reasons." Silver's hand once again moved to stroke gyarados's scales, glancing down at their unique color. "After I caught gyarados, I overheard something about what was causing the garados to rampage, and ended up learning that Team Rocket had something to do with it. I hate Team Rocket, so I refused to use something they'd messed with… and as expected of them, the result ended up useless anyway."

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, this gyarados is weak."  
Silver looked up from gyarados's scales towards its head, the pokemon looking back at him cluelessly.  
"Team Rocket was using some sort of radio waves to mess with the gyarados's behavior, which is what made all of them so ferocious. It was making some evolve early too, which left them with red scales like a magikarp." He gave gyarados another gentle pat, and gyarados seemed to smile at him, turning away cheerfully to dip its head under the water. "... So once the radio waves stopped, gyarados was just a worthless, oversized magikarp. Useless for fighting."

Silver wasn't sure what he expected - maybe more taunts, or laughter. Instead, Pearl just sat there quietly, staring at his bobber in the water.

"... Well? Considering dropping out of our competition, in case this thing we saw really is the Sinnoh equivalent of the red gyarados?"

"Huh? No way!" Pearl seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in, his face lit by magneton's flashing above them as he turned to Silver. "I was just thinking, I'm glad gyarados is with you now, instead of with Team Rocket." His hand moved to stroke gyarados now, looking affectionately at the unnaturally mellow gyarados. "Especially since he was so hard to catch. If you hadn't been able to do it, or decided not to, then Team Rocket would've taken him for themselves, right? Used him as a tool, maybe even hurt him when they learned he couldn't battle well…"  
His gaze turned far away again, his voice losing some of its strength.  
"... Sinnoh had a group like that too, called Team Galactic. They were capturing legendary pokemon, using their power against their will. I… I was there when they were taking one, but I wasn't strong enough to stop them. I couldn't save Uxie, and because of that, it ended up suffering…" Slowly, Pearl's eyes refocused, locking on Silver's. "That's why, I think it's really great, Silver. Even if gyarados isn't super strong, you kept it out of the hands of some bad people, so that's enough reason to be proud!"

"... You're right. People who take pokemon against their will, or use them as tools.. Those are the most pathetic kind of people."

Silver couldn't think. He could barely breathe.

Even though he'd been thinking about it just before seeing the mysterious pokemon, somehow he'd forgotten:  
A pokemon thief, who spent so long seeing his partners as nothing but tools to prove his strength, belittling and throwing away the ones that lost battles - someone like him was meant to remain alone.  
There was a reason his time with Pearl had felt so unsettling: the warm smiles he'd been seeing were never meant to belong to him.


	9. Chapter 9

Pearl awoke to the now familiar feeling of Silver’s arms around him, a comfort that made up for the discomfort of the cave floor underneath him. Though better than being outside in a blizzard, the inside of Mt. Coronet was still chilly, and Pearl let himself linger in the warmth of his sleeping bag and companion for a moment, pressing closer into the loose embrace between them.  
In the end, neither had managed to catch the pokemon they saw leap out of the lake - or even see it again, their lines only pulling in the expected cavern pokemon. On top of that, things had gotten somehow tense after Pearl told him about Uxie; part of him still worried Silver thought badly of him for it, the thought finally motivating him out of the tent to start breakfast.

With their investigation of the lake satisfied, the two continued through the caves with the goal of reaching Eterna. Once again, they navigated via crobat’s sonar, for which Silver demanded absolute silence; Pearl tried to believe he was imagining the tension lingering in it, but nervousness kept pulling his feet ahead, praying the exit come quickly and prove his fears wrong.

Mercifully, they did eventually reach an exit, Pearl letting out a cheer as they emerged into the sunshine and fresh air of route 211. Without the darkness to force down his pace, Pearl sprinted into the tall grass, eager to outpace the anxiety dragging at his heels. The sound of Silver's voice shouting after him was a relief after the oppressive silence between them, but that relief quickly drained from him as Pearl's feet ground to a halt.

"Damn it, I told you to slow down!" Silver finally caught up with him, his irritation turning to confusion as he looked at Pearl's expression. "Now what?"

"Auuugh, we went the wrong way!!"

"What!? You're the one who shouted 'this is it!!' before sprinting off like a maniac!"

"That's because route 211 _does_ lead to Eterna, but it also leads to Celestic Town because there are _two route 211's_ and we came out of the wrong one!" Pearl put his face in his hands, shoulders slumping. "I was so excited to leave that stupid cave, but we'll have to go through again… Goodbye sunlight… Goodbye fresh air..."

Pearl was afraid to look at Silver, still not sure what to expect from him: it was true that him running them off a ledge the day before could have gotten them killed, and now he'd led them in the opposite direction he was supposed to be taking them. That, combined with the larger failure looming over him, weighed painfully in his gut, and he wondered if Silver would decide then and there that he was done with him. Instead, he just asked  
"Okay, well…. What's in Celestic?"

Pearl looked up from his hands, and Silver was looking at him with something closer to concern than anything else, making him feel suddenly embarrassed.  
 _Geez, how long has it been since you hung out with anyone?! Freaking out over every little thing…_

"Oh! Yeah, since it's your first time in Sinnoh, might as well look around, right? Umm, there's an old library in that building over there? And some ruins down there, with carvings and stuff." Pearl pointed out the buildings, realizing how unimpressive it all sounded. "Aaauggh, I can't believe we went the wrong way! I'm starting to feel embarrassed for my region! We have real cities, you know! Ones not buried in snow!!" 

"Right, right. I'm just surprised you could actually point out the library."

"Hey!! I'll have you know, I've spent a good amount of time in there!" He glanced over at the library, feeling his dread start to set in again. "... A lot of the books are about the legendary pokemon in the region, so after what happened with Uxie, I… Well, I couldn't not care." Pearl shook himself out of it, raising his eyes to meet Silver's again. "Speaking of which! I didn't mention it yesterday, but Uxie is safe now! Me and my friend and the old champion worked together to stop Team Galactic, so all the pokemon they trapped are free now!" Pearl turned away, starting to walk towards the ruins. "Just in case you thought I did nothing but screw things up! Anyway, I've spent too long standing still, I'm gonna run around a bit!"

With that, he descended down towards the center of town before Silver could respond.


	10. Chapter 10

Something was off with Pearl.

That much had been obvious since they set out that morning, Pearl spending the entire time looking like he wanted to run away. Silver made himself ignore it - it wasn't like he knew how to understand people, and if Pearl really did run off, that was probably better for him.  
That feeling didn't hold out when they left the caves, though - in the moment Silver spent blinded by the sudden sunshine, Pearl sprinted off ahead, gone by the time he adjusted his eyes.

A lot of things ran through his mind in that moment, too quickly and too frustrating to acknowledge. Instead, he ran - even if it made more sense this way, even if it was better for him, he didn't _want_ things to end yet. After all that time trying to be friendly with him, forcing him into his tent and himself into Silver's journey, sharing meals and conversation and more trouble than he asked for - after all that, Pearl wasn't allowed to just disappear the second they left Mt. Coronet. Maybe he didn't deserve more than that, but Silver was no stranger to taking what he didn't deserve, so he ran with full intention of using every ounce of strength he had to take it back for himself.

Instead, he found Pearl frozen on the edge of town. Suddenly he was talking a mile a minute, barely able to hold his smile on and even when he did there was something _wrong_ with it. He didn't know what was wrong, only that he didn't look or sound the way he did back on Mt. Coronet, the easy disarming warmth he'd let himself get used to replaced with something rushed and forced.

His best guess was that it had something to do with the legendary pokemon Uxie. At this point, Silver wasn't very interested in learning anything about it, the pokemon quickly becoming a scapegoat for Silver's building frustration. He regretted letting Pearl run off again, a voice in his head telling him Pearl was fleeing further with every second that passed, but if nothing else it gave him a moment to think.

Reluctantly, Silver walked over to the library, if only for the possibility of learning something that might make Pearl's behavior easier to understand. As he thought, though, he didn't have the patience for reading (not that he had it usually, he'd never been one for books). In the back of his mind, the idea that Pearl might leave him for good kept running through his mind, distracting him from whatever was on the pages.

"The pokemon of knowledge, huh..? I could use some of that about now."

Thinking about it was useless - either Pearl was still there, or he wasn't. If he was, Silver would drag him back through Mt. Coronet with him, and if he wasn't, Silver would chase him down.


	11. Chapter 11

"Whoa! Back already?"  
Pearl was pacing through the Celestic ruins fast enough he nearly ran headlong into Silver walking up to him, the latter wearing an especially grumpy expression despite Pearl actually managing to stop himself.  
"Must've found it pretty boring, huh? But really, not all of Sinnoh is as lifeless as this place - like the city where I caught my snorlax, Floaroma! That place is so colorful, you probably wouldn't believe its in the same region as Snowpoint! There's a lady there who gives me free berries when I come too, which was useful cus even as a munchlax he ate a lot-"

"Pearl." Silver cut him off before his nervous tirade could run on any longer. "How far is it to Eterna?"

"Uhhh, probably not more than an hour from here? You should be able to find the way through Mt. Coronet pretty easily, it's just on the other side of the cavern."

"... Are you not coming?"

"Huh? Now that you've come this far, I didn't think you'd have any reason to keep me around."

At that Silver's temper flared, his previously level tone rising to a yell.

"There was never a _reason_ to bring you in the first place, the only thing you're capable of leading me to is trouble!"

"That's kinda why I thought you wouldn't want me to come…"

"Listen, you were the one who…" Silver's fist clenched in frustration, words lost to an agitated sigh before his finger shot out at him accusingly. "You promised me a rematch! I'm not letting you off until I beat you, got it!? So don't even think about running off!"  
He stepped forward, and before Pearl could even register what he was doing, Silver took his hand in his.  
"Now come on. I want to go to a pokemon center before we have our battle, and this town doesn't have one."

It didn't sink in as Silver started to drag him by the arm. All Pearl could do was nod, lightly squeezing the hand in his as he was led out of the ruins.


	12. Chapter 12

Pearl spent the trip from Celestic Town to Eterna in a daze. Silver kept a tight grip on his hand, but for once Pearl had no desire to run ahead:  
It'd be over when they reached Eterna City.  
Once they had their battle, the arrangement they had was finished.

Pearl couldn't even think about ways of fighting it. After all, Silver was right - he'd only brought him trouble, so staying any longer wasn't reasonable.

The hand holding his only made him mourn it more. Even when he was panicking about losing him, he liked traveling with Silver. The anxiety was still somehow better than the silent treks through the region alone, the chill of loneliness he could do nothing about.  
Thinking about going back to being that way was enough to make his heart break. He couldn't think of anything to do about that either - Diamond was busy being champion, and by now happily adjusted to the independent lifestyle they'd established. Buck was a jerk stuck to the Battle Zone, and Pearl had run past nearly everyone else, leaving no one that'd take him along with them.  
He'd done this to himself. He'd done it again this time too, and there was nothing he could do about it either.

He wished Mt. Coronet stretched forever, that route 211 never ended. He wished he could keep walking hand in hand with Silver without ever thinking about what came afterward.

With the way forward visible and straightforward, it didn't take them long to reach Eterna City. Arriving from the west side of Route 211, they were immediately greeted by the statues of Dialga and Palkia, Silver glancing up at them before looking over to Pearl.

"More legendary pokemon?"

"Uh huh! Eterna is kind of a historic city too, but it's more modern than Celestic at least. And it has a gym, so that's all that matters, right?"

Silver just scowled, turning his glare to the statues before leading them forward again.

"Come on, let's find the pokemon center."

"Right! I'm sure you're ready to get this over with and get back to your gym challenge, huh?"

Silver's eyes moved to him as Pearl forced out a laugh, but he didn't say anything, continuing their walk further into the city.

The pokemon center returned Pearl's itch to rush things. He knew the end was coming, and at this point he just wanted it over with. It made sense to wait for their pokemon to rest, crobat and magneton especially deserving some time to recoup, but Pearl couldn't think about sharing a meal while they waited without thinking of it as their "last", and he wasn't in the mood to eat anyways.  
Honestly, he was starting to wonder if he was weird for caring this much. He probably was - he never heard any other trainers complaining about being lonely, and Diamond certainly seemed to enjoy it. He had his pokemon, after all, and he'd only known Silver for a couple of days so, yeah, he was definitely being weird about this.  
If he was gonna be weird, he'd at least like to be weird without Silver being around to see it. Get his weird out in private.

He made up some excuse about having some friends in town to catch up with, which was a laugh, and Silver made him promise not to flake out on their battle about a million times. There was a voice telling him not to run away from his last chance to hang out with him, but despite making the same mistake a million times before, his feet were stronger than his will, and off he went to wait for the end by the pokemon statues.

The battle was its own kind of hell. He knew that even if he won, it wouldn't really change anything, but once it started he felt himself hope that if he did, Silver would be too stubborn to shoo him off yet. He wanted to lash out at the fear that'd been hanging over him, but it was like scratching at water, his target slipping through his fingers and slowly rising to swallow him.  
Panic fried his senses. Desperation rushed his moves. The harder he fought, the more mistakes he made, and unlike their first fight, Pearl was losing badly, his composure shaking more with each fainted pokemon.  
Before he knew it, it was over, his last pokemon fainted as Pearl weakly returned it to its ball.

"... Well, I guess you won."

His desperation towards the end of the battle had been unbearable, but once it was over, he didn't feel anything but numb. He just stared at his feet, surrendering himself to the end.

"Wrong." Pearl looked up to see Silver glaring at him, his face devoid of triumph. "You're an idiot if you think I'll be satisfied after a battle like that."  
He started moving to close the distance between them, roughly grabbing Pearl's wrist as he locked his eyes on him.  
"I don't know what you were fighting during that battle, but it wasn't me."

He ...  
He was right.  
Pearl wasn't fighting Silver during that battle. His head wasn't in it at all.  
Even so, though…

"What do we do, then?"

Silver scowled, glancing over at the statues, still visible from where they fought.

"It's the damn legendaries. Whenever they're around, you..." His scowl turned thoughtful, his grip on Pearl's wrist becoming more gentle. "... Where was it? Floaroma. We'll go there."

"Eh? You want me to come with you to Floaroma?"

"How far is it?"

"Oh! It's the next town over, actually, but you have to go through Eterna forest, and route 205 is pretty long too…"

"I don't care. We'll have our rematch in Floaroma."  
Silver's grip on his wrist loosened again, and Pearl thought he was going to finally let go, only to feel their fingers lace together again.  
"You haven't been yourself since we got off Mt. Coronet, but when you talked about there, you almost looked like your old self." Pearl looked up from their intertwined hands to see Silver's face reddening, his hand tightening its grip again. "... I want to see it, and you're going to take me, alright?!"

Pearl felt himself grin, returning Silver's grip hard enough to make him wince.

"Geez, if you wanted me to take you, you should've just said so!" Unable to contain himself, he pulled Silver into a hug, laughing as Silver stiffened at the unexpected contact. "This is great, Silver! I was hoping I could cheer you on for your gym battle! Ohh, do you want some tips, maybe??"

"As if I would after you battled me like that!! You better give me a real battle in Floaroma, got it!?"

"Got it, got it!"

Pearl released Silver from his hold, and his lingering tension with it.  
He wasn't sure how long it would last, but at least for a little longer, they were together.


	13. Chapter 13

Stupid idiot Pearl ran off the next day.

Fortunately for the statues Silver was about to pulverize, Pearl only ran to the Eterna gym, returning with a grin on his face.

"I warned Gardenia about you~"

"Your friend warned me about you." Gardenia confirmed, her outfit as ridiculous as every other gym leader Silver had ever battled against. "The last trainer he warned me about ended up becoming champion, so as you can probably imagine, I have high hopes for our battle."

"No matter what your expectations are, prepare to have them blown away!"

The battle with Gardenia was different than Silver was used to. First, he'd never heard someone referred to as his "friend" before, and had never thought of himself as having one. Second, and relatedly, he'd never had a cheering squad yelling at him during a gym battle, but as distracting as it was…  
Pearl looked better than he had the day before. So it was alright.

After Silver (of course) earned his forest badge, the two set off for Floaroma, Silver loath to spend any more time in the shadow of Sinnoh's legendary pokemon.  
Their start through route 205 went smoothly enough, but their progress suddenly halted as they entered Eterna Forest.

"The Old Chateau? Y-you don't actually want to go in there, right? The place is abandoned!"

"Didn't you want me to take interest in Sinnoh?"

"This isn't the type of place you should be interested in!!!!"

Silver found himself wearing his familiar cruel smirk as he dragged Pearl towards the haunted mansion, failing to realize that doing so would put his grip strength to the test.

"What's with you? Do they not have a ghost-type gym in Sinnoh?"

"Uhhh we do, but gyms are safe and creepy abandoned houses are not! Look, there's a hole in the floor there! We definitely shouldn't be in here, don't want to fall through any more holes, right??"

"Don't run, and we'll be fine." Silver tightened his grip on Pearl's hand, the familiar dread that Pearl would sprint away rising in him.

"Oh, so if a creepy ghost starts chasing us, I shouldn't run away?? Great plan! Very safe!"

"If a ghost pokemon starts chasing you, you battle it. Obviously."

"What about ghosts that aren't pokemon????"

"All the ghosts are ghost pokemon."

"What if they're not though???"

"... Fight them anyway."

"SILVER!!!!"

"What are they going to do? Call the cops? They're already dead, they'll be fine."

Silver looked over his shoulder at Pearl, and - was he trembling? Really?  
On instinct, he pulled Pearl closer, releasing his hand to wrap an arm around his shoulders. Pearl looked at him quizzically, and realizing what he'd done, Silver quickly glanced away.

"... You were shivering."

"I'm not cold, dummy!" Even so, he didn't move from his hold, though his gaze remained suspicious. "Wait, you've been weirdly nice today… You're not a ghost pretending to be Silver, are you!?"

"If I were a ghost, I wouldn't be able to hold you, idiot!"

He squeezed him tighter to emphasize the point, and Pearl seemed satisfied with that, pressing closer and gripping onto one of his arms.

"... If we see any ghosts, you're fighting them."

"Heh. As if I'd let some flimsy ghost defeat me."

The chateau itself wasn't that interesting (Pearl claimed to see a few things, but Silver didn't believe him), but there was something… therapeutic, about holding Pearl close to him. He realized his nerves were still raw from Pearl nearly running from him so many times the day before, and so holding him back every time he jumped at something was both stressful and reassuring.  
Again, despite all of Pearl's yelling hurting his head… Silver decided he liked the old chateau.


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks to their detour through the old chateau, the already shaded forest was becoming dark by the time Pearl and Silver started properly exploring it, making the already maze-like trees even more difficult to navigate. It was obvious they wouldn't make it out by the end of the night, so they only walked until they found a good place to camp (that wasn't directly inside the property of the chateau, at Pearl's insistence).

"Eh? You own a tent?"

Silver looked at Pearl with a deadpanned expression as he got out his tent roll.

"Yes, I do. Just not one that can withstand a blizzard. I'm still not sure how yours isn't filled with holes."

"Sinnoh strength!" Pearl beamed with pride, and then his eyes moved to follow Silver setting up his tent again.

"... What?"

"Huh? Nothing. Just wondering why you're bothering to set it up when you know we can both fit in mine."

Another deadpanned look.  
Ahh, he was being weird again.

"... Are you seriously going to complain about the cold again? Aren't people from Sinnoh supposed to be used to it.."

"Ack- maybe I was worried about you, huh? Obviously I can take it!" Pearl could quickly feel himself losing the argument, adding on in a panic "and obviously you don't mind holding onto me, since you spent all day doing it!"

"That's because you were shivering, idiot! Wait a second-" Pearl tensed, feeling an uncomfortable conversation coming, but instead Silver followed with "are you still scared?"

"... I mean, we aren't _that_ far from the chateau…"

In truth, Pearl had completely forgotten about the ghosts, but he was willing to take the excuse. After all, the reality was just that he liked sleeping with Silver. The day before they'd slept in Eterna's pokecenter, and while it'd been nice not to sleep on the ground, sleeping alone had felt unexpectedly lonely.  
Really, he was definitely being weird about this. It was something he could hardly get away from these days, with the chateau another glaring example. Normally he would've outright refused to go in the place, but somehow Silver putting his arms around him had weakened his resistance, and despite nearly dying several times (he was pretty sure, even if Silver didn't think so) he couldn't find it in him to dislike the memory in hindsight.  
People like hugs, right? That's just facts. At least it was what Pearl was trying to tell himself, because he wasn't sure he liked the alternatives (was he just really deprived? He didn't think his pokemon journey had messed him up _that_ badly, right?)

Whatever was going on in his head, he couldn't deny the jolt of glee that went through him when Silver sighed and put away his tent roll.

"You're really pathetic, you know that?"

"Maybe, but at least I'll be warm~"

"So it was about being cold after all!?"

"Nope! But it's a nice bonus~"

Maybe he was being weird, but it wouldn't be more than a day or two until they reached Floaroma. He wouldn't be traveling with Silver forever, so with what time he had, he was going to make the most of it.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning was the first Silver woke up before Pearl left the tent, and the moment Silver realized why Pearl made that comment about Silver not minding holding him the night before.

He opened eyes at the feeling of warm breath against his face, sight adjusting to make out Pearl's face in front of his, for once relaxed as he smiled in comfortable slumber.  
It was…. Too close? Very close. And very warm. And Silver was fairly certain he'd fallen asleep facing away from Pearl, so why were they face to face like this? (He was holding him now too - had he done this in his sleep? He didn't want to think about having such an embarrassing habit.) It wasn't… uncomfortable, the feeling of Pearl in his arms by now familiar, but waking up like that was….  
Was Pearl always waking up to this?

His head full of uncomfortable thoughts, Silver moved to get up, only to hiss at the morning chill. The temperature was nothing compared to what they'd felt at Mt. Coronet, but the contrast between the frigid air and Pearl's warmth made it unbearable, and before he could think he'd laid back down, going rigid at the sound of Pearl laughing in his ear.

"You too, huh?"

".... Shut up."

"Looks like I'm not the only one complaining about the cold after all~"

Pearl let out another gentle laugh as he wrapped his arms around him, and Silver…  
Felt once again that this type of scene wasn't one he deserved to have.

"... I'll make breakfast this time."

Ignoring the groan of complaint from Pearl, Silver pushed himself up again, trying to force down the mess of emotions stirring in his chest.  
This time, the bite of the morning air felt much more fitting.


	16. Chapter 16

Pearl was secretly grateful for the late start that day, finally letting himself leave the warmth of his blankets to watch as Silver finished preparing a simple breakfast. While Silver was even less chatty in the mornings, the silence between them was comfortable, as was the sight of their pokemon playing together after getting their morning meal.

Not for the first time, Pearl was reminded of how closely his travels with Silver resembled what he thought he'd always wanted from his pokemon journey: while all the scenery was familiar to Pearl, exploring it with Silver was like seeing it through new eyes, discovering different pathways and experiencing the breakthroughs and setbacks of navigating the wilderness together. The rainbow lights in Mt. Coronet weren't the only sight they might have never found wandering alone, and while there may have been more arguments than laughter, Pearl found that he remembered all of it warmly, Silver finding pokemon he'd never seen before most of all.

Still, even the maze of Eterna forest couldn't stall them forever, and no matter how hard he tried, the fear of it all ending began to loom over him again as they emerged back onto the clear paths of Route 205.

"Whoo! Finally out, huh?" He forced a smile to his face, only half sincere as he started looking around. "Oh, the lady who lives in that house over there let's travelers rest their pokemon there, though in exchange she'll chat your ear off - back when I was first coming through here, she was asking me for traveling stories for what felt like forever!"

"Then let's skip it, we have enough daylight left to reach Floaroma."

Pearl's heart sunk at the dismissal, but Silver was right - it was too early to stop for the day, and the path ahead would pass comparatively quickly. Just a few ledges to scale down, and then across the river; Pearl could feel his heart sink lower with every step, weighing into his heels until for once Silver was striding ahead of him.

"... What's wrong?"

"Huh? Nothing!"

"Bullshit." Silver stopped walking, turning to face him. "You've got that look again. I thought it'd stop once we left Eterna."

"Ehh? There's nothing to worry about, maybe I'm just tired? I mean, we spent most of the day trekking through the woods-"

"Wrong. I don't know what's going on, but I won't watch you-"

"Look, I'll focus properly on the battle this time, okay!?"

" _That's not what I care about!_ "

Pearl could hear the surrounding pokemon flee the wild grass across the river, the resulting silence deafening in the face of Silver's outburst.

And then it was broken just as suddenly, both boys jumping at Pearl's high pitched ringtone. For a moment they just stared at each other, and then under Silver's withering glare, Pearl raised his pokegear to his ear.

"Hello? …. Oh! Diamond! What's up? You know I'm always ready for a battle if you want one!" Pearl could feel Silver's eyes boring into him as he spoke, doing his best to ignore the feeling as he listened to his friend's quiet voice.  
"… Oh, nope! I took a break from training in the Survival Area. I'm actually--" Diamond's response made his eyes widen, and suddenly Pearl forgot all about Silver waiting in front of him.  
"Dad wanted to see me? Really?? If you're pulling my leg, I'll fine you a mili-- yeah! Yeah, no, I'm not there but I'll catch the first ship over! Uh huh, don't let him run off anywhere!" 

Pearl didn't wait for a goodbye before ending the call, releasing staraptor from its ball with his other hand.

"Wait a second, where the hell do you think you're going!?"

Pearl turned away from his pokemon, Silver's expression unreadable - or at least, Pearl didn't have time to read it, his instinct to _go_ in full overdrive.

"Sorry, Silver! I'll have to take a raincheck on that rematch!"

"No-! You can't just-"

"I really really liked traveling with you!" It came out in a rush, the closest he'd ever come to telling Silver what he meant to him - enough to remind him what he was leaving, and Pearl decided to ride the moment of honesty out. "I'd always been on my own before, but really, going around with you has been like a dream come true for me! So, thanks!"  
Silver looked like he wanted to say something, but Pearl didn't have time for him to find the words. Instead, he grabbed onto staraptor's ankles, the flying type lifting into the air with a few beats of its powerful wings.  
"Good luck on your gym challenge! And, enjoy Floaroma!"


	17. Chapter 17

_"What aspect of you was number one? Gathering so many only to be defeated by a mere child!"_

This memory… It'd been over five years since Silver last saw his father, but he still kept returning to that day.

_"I don't want to understand you! I will never become someone like you. A coward when you're alone and acting like a tyrant when you're in front of other cowards! I will become strong! I will become a stronger man all by myself! All by myself!"_

His hatred of the weak, his driving force since the moment he set off on his pokemon journey…

Even though he was a gym leader, an important trainer without who no one was allowed to face the Elite Four… Even though so many people waited for him, Giovanni didn't come back to the gym. Silver didn't know what to tell the trainers who got mad at him - he was mad too, he wanted to see him too, but he was always told he couldn't be angry with him, because his father was going to rule the world, that what he was doing was greater than anything else.  
But it wasn't true. He was a failure, and everything he'd done had amounted to nothing.  
Why was he left alone, then? Why had he and all those other people waited? For nothing?

_Would beating those children at the gym have made up for the time he left you alone, then?_

"I… I don't know. At least, it would've been a reason."

_What about you? Will being strong erase all the things you've done?_

Silver opened his eyes, and Mesprit floated past his face, wide eyes watching him curiously.

"Silver! How was the lake?"

"It… It was fine. I thought about a lot of things." Silver nodded to Pearl's mom, too lost in his thoughts to dedicate himself to actual conversation. "I'm a bit tired, so I'm going to head upstairs for a bit."

"Go right ahead! I'll call you down for dinner once it's ready!"

"You really don't have to…" Silver looked back from the stairs, Pearl's mom giving him the same spirited grin he knew from her son.

"Nonsense! Any friend of my son is a friend of mine!" Her tired face moved to a sadder expression, hope mixed with resignation. "Besides, if there are two people waiting for him here, he's more likely to come home, right? So stay as long as you'd like, Silver. I don't mind the vacation from being an empty nester."

"... Thanks. I'll talk to you later."

Pearl's mom nodded, and Silver climbed the stairs to Pearl's room.

Pearl's room was emptier than Silver had expected, but over time he'd found traces of him in the belongings left behind - the messy desk his mother later told him Pearl forgot his map on before heading on his journey, the game system neglected in favor of always moving, the photos of the friend who was now Sinnoh champion, and the one of his father in front of Battle Tower, his son conspicuously absent.

Coming to Twinleaf had been an impulsive decision, nothing suggesting Pearl would come there when he returned from seeing his father other than the logical link between fathers and mothers, and that Pearl had happened to suggest Silver visit it at some point during his journey.

_"There isn't a gym there, or really much at all, but I guess because of that, everyone gets really excited when trainers come by. I bet they've never had anyone from Johto come by before!"_

As Pearl had said, he'd gotten a lot of attention when he arrived, the residents unused to seeing an unfamiliar face. Once he'd mentioned Pearl's name, his mother had offered to let him stay, and for the past few days, he'd waited there.

… He was afraid to admit how he'd come to meet Mesprit, one of the legendary lake guardians along with Uxie. He'd remembered some of what he'd read about it, the pokemon said to live in Lake Verity, the pokemon of emotion.  
After Pearl left, nothing felt right. The act of exploring new places, of traveling through tall grass and training with his pokemon - everything he'd always done frustrated him now. Every moment of silence was maddening, every footstep not followed by another pair beside him so frustrating he wanted to scream just to hear a voice.  
Silver had always thought he was meant to be alone. He'd always thought he preferred it.  
He didn't.

Anyone who disturbed Mesprit was supposed to lose their emotions in three days. That's what the books in Celestic Town had said, but it'd been four and he still had more feelings than he preferred.  
Instead of taking his emotions, Mesprit had talked to him, forced him to work through them. It was probably long overdue - Silver had always been terrible at processing his feelings, and his sessions with Mesprit had shown him just how many he'd ignored.

There were a few things Silver knew now:

  * He didn't like himself, and no amount of pokemon battling ability was going to fix that. He loved his pokemon now, and he hadn't before, and he hated himself for that, on top of a lot of other things.
  * He _did_ like Pearl. A lot. And him liking Pearl and not liking himself were not compatible, though that was true of him and his pokemon too, but they chose to stay with him despite everything he did to them, and he couldn't make himself separate them from someone they cared about, even if that someone happened to not deserve them at all.
  * The discoveries of the above did not combine well because even though Pearl had told him before he left that he'd enjoyed traveling with Silver, he'd also chosen to leave, and that fact drowned out the memory of his words and left Silver telling himself he didn't deserve Pearl or any travelling companion or…
  * … A lot of what messed up Silver was his father's fault, and apparently Pearl's hadn't been a model of active parenting either. Silver didn't understand what was going through Pearl's head, but if what Pearl's mom told him was anything to go by, he had his own share of reasons to make terrible, father motivated decisions. Didn't make the previous point hurt less, but it was a reason to try to understand. Or at least a reason to hold back his assumptions by being in denial.



There were still a lot of things Silver didn't know: if he'd ever see Pearl again, what he'd do if he did, what he'd do if he didn't. How long he'd wait. And if, if Pearl did look for him, he'd tell Pearl all the reasons he shouldn't have.


	18. Chapter 18

Silver was laying on Pearl's bed, lost in thought staring at the ceiling, when a THUD!!!!! from downstairs made him jump, and then a voice made him freeze.

"I'm home!!!"

The following minutes felt like both the longest and shortest of Silver's life. A million thoughts ran through his head as he vaguely heard Pearl and his mother talk downstairs: does he go downstairs? Would it be weird to be here? Does he leave out the window and pretend to run into him later?

"That reminds me, mom! I was traveling with this guy for a while, and-"

"Now now, before you spend the next few days telling me what you've been up to, why don't you go upstairs and put down your things?"

"Oh! Good idea!! Back in a sec, ma!"

Immediately rapid footsteps started up the steps, and Silver bolted for the doorway only for it to open ahead of him, Pearl crashing headlong into him and sending them both falling to the floor.

Another THUD of Silver's skull hitting the floor. Then a gasp.

"Silver!!!!!"

Pearl's arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders, fingers curling in his hair, and the feeling of Pearl holding him again was enough to make Silver forget the pounding in his head, reaching out to grab him and never let him go again.

"W-whoa!" Pearl laughed awkwardly in his ear, trying to push himself off the floor only for Silver to hold him tighter against him. "This is a warmer reception than I expected! You sure you weren't replaced by a ghost?"

"Oh, don't get the wrong idea. I'm pissed." Silver let one hand wander into Pearl's hair, sighing as their cheeks brushed against each other. "You are _never_ doing that again."  
Silver loosened his hold, Pearl sitting up so he could meet Silver's eyes.  
"... Next time you have to go somewhere, I go with you."


	19. Chapter 19

Silver wasn't sure he'd ever forget the expression on Pearl's mom's face when the two of them came down the stairs together, but together they caught each other up: what Silver had told his mother, what Pearl had done without them. Apparently Palmer had gone back up into Battle Tower before Pearl arrived back on the island, and he'd spent a few days bothering several frontier employees to tear him away from his work again - in some ways it was a familiar story, and there was a bit of gratification in hearing Pearl say his dad hadn't been worth dropping what he'd been doing.

Eventually, though, it became obvious that he and Pearl had to talk, too much left unsaid from their last meeting. The two went back to his room, sitting on the edge of his bed as an awkward silence fell over them.

"I, uh… I missed you, Silver."

"Hard to believe, considering how quickly you left."  
Hurt. Rejection. His own self rejection. He knew he didn't have the whole story, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with the one he had.  
"... I missed you too."

"I looked for you the moment I was finished with that guy, you know! Flew straight to Oreburgh City, I couldn't believe they hadn't seen you at their gym yet, and you weren't in Floaroma and-" he stopped mid-sentence, the frantic energy leaving him. "... I wasn't sure what I'd do if I couldn't find you again."

"... Visit your mother, I assume."

" _Auugh_ , yeah, I know, I'm just as bad as Dad, leaving her all alone all the time!" Pearl threw himself dramatically back on the bed, kicking his legs in frustration. "I suck! I don't have any right to complain about feeling lonely!"

Silver looked at him a moment, slowly lowering himself onto the bed next to him.

"... You could be a lot worse. We missed you for a reason."

"Yeah, and I miss Dad enough to drop everything for him when he calls, but he's still a selfish jerk. And I did the same thing that he did, breaking my promises, blowing you off to go do what I wanted.."

Silver didn't know what to say to that. Instead, he opened his arms, and Pearl immediately turned into them, burying his face in Silver's chest as he wrapped his arms around him.  
Lying together, holding each other - it was a familiar comfort that somehow overpowered the bitter feelings he'd spent the past few days fighting off. Having Pearl back in his arms now mattered more than any of that - and lowering his face to meet Pearl's hair, he had the urge to kiss him -

\- and then he remembered: the stolen pokemon, the times he belittled and lashed out at the partners who fought for him when they failed, treating them like tools.  
Pearl's words, about how important it was to save pokemon from people like that.

He rested his cheek on his hair instead.

"There's somewhere I want you to go with me."

"... Where do you wanna go?"

"Lake Valor."

Pearl lifted his face to look at him, eyes open and curious.

"What about your gym challenge?"

"I have badges. I need to meet Azelf."  
Immediately Pearl's eyes widened, and Silver could see the same thing he was feeling: fear.  
"I'm still not sure what you were fighting against last time we battled, but _something_ is haunting you. If you can't face it the way you are now, then maybe Azelf can give you the willpower."  
Silver felt his heart begin to cloud over, breaking his gaze away from Pearl.  
"... Well, whether you face that is up to you. I need to go for my own reasons."

"... No, you're right. I should go."

Pearl's grip on him tightened, and Silver pressed closer against him, feeling his cheek dig harder into the wall of his self rejection.


	20. Chapter 20

Pearl grew up with only stories of his father: the famous Tower Tycoon, a pokemon trainer revered through Sinnoh and beyond. Of course he looked up to him, standing triumphant on top of his own tower, challenging the strongest trainers from all over the world - Pearl dreamed of getting his own pokemon and challenging him himself, giving him a fight he'd never forget, making him proud.

He didn't realize what it meant that he'd never met him until after he set off on his journey. Chasing after new pokemon, the next gym badge, keeping ahead of his rival - he was always rushing towards his next goal, and as a result, he didn't look back. He didn't visit home.  
It took a roadblock to make him think of it, made him pause long enough to consider telling his mom how he was doing, fill her in on his adventures.

He was every bit his father's son.  
He'd abandoned her without a thought.

Palmer never came home after Pearl was born.

It'd taken some work to make things up to his mom - he still made mistakes and got absorbed in whatever he was doing, but he tried, and his mom was never quite as bad off as he'd seen her the first time he came back. After all, unlike her husband (ex-husband, he realized), she knew Pearl didn't plan on leaving for good.

Pearl had a new reason to challenge the Battle Tower: he wanted to make Palmer see him, force him to remember what he left behind…  
Remind him to come home. To visit his family.

Palmer had asked about him. Had wanted to battle, maybe to talk. He'd thought of him, reached out to him - it was the first time he'd done anything like that.

And Palmer had lost his nerve by the time Pearl got back to the island, back to throwing himself into the stimulation and distraction of his tower's neverending challengers.  
Pearl knew that was what happened, because when he got there and realized he'd left Silver for nothing, he'd done the same thing. He threw himself single-mindedly into having his battle with Palmer, busying himself with asking all the frontier employees about him and training in the survival area. It was a distraction from his guilt, and while he was occupied, he didn't even feel his old loneliness.

Pearl was everything he hated about his dad.  
Every complaint, every flaw was something he had, something he'd done. And the more he hated Palmer for them, the more he couldn't forgive himself - but he couldn't forgive Palmer, so he was stuck.

It wasn't okay. He knew that.  
… And yet, Silver had held him so tenderly when he saw him again.

"Oh, don't get the wrong idea. I'm pissed."  
The words were whispered into his ear, Silver's fingers burying themselves into his hair and pulling him closer, their cheeks brushing as Silver let out a sigh of relief against his skin.  
"You are _never_ doing that again."

There was no way he would.  
Not when he'd just realized he was in love.


	21. Chapter 21

Pearl didn't remember falling asleep: he and Silver had agreed to go to Lake Valor together, and then they'd gotten lost in their own thoughts, Pearl eventually falling to the exhaustion of processing too many emotions.

It was still dark when he woke up, Silver asleep beside him, still holding him like he'd last seen him.  
He… wasn't sure how Silver got the idea of visiting one of the lake guardians. He'd thought Silver hated legendary pokemon, but when he asked, Silver said

"I… met Mesprit."

First Mesprit, now Azelf.  
At this rate, would he want to meet Uxie?  
Was Uxie already involved?

Pearl had come back for them. He'd helped take down Team Galactic, he'd freed the lake guardians. They didn't have a reason to plot revenge against him - and yet that was Pearl's first thought when he tried to imagine what would happen when they went to Valor, the thought making him shake with equal parts fear and guilt.

That was one thing he had on his dad, at least - as far as he knew, Palmer had never failed to protect a legendary pokemon.  
A real son to be proud of.

Pearl lifted himself out of bed. As much as he wanted to keep laying with Silver, now that he knew why he'd been so weird about staying with him (he was _in love_ , he still hadn't really dealt with that, too busy dealing with the consequences of everything else), the state his mind was in made it hard to guiltlessly enjoy his company.

In a rare example of learning his lessons, Pearl left a note on the pillow he'd been using telling Silver he'd gone to the lake. He lingered at the bedside, feeling the urge to do something romantic before he left - in the end he settled for pulling the blankets over Silver, his confidence too low to manage anything else.

Pearl didn't realize until he'd reached the lake that he was where Mesprit was. The thought made him hesitate, but the lake was always where he'd gone to think when he was younger, though he hadn't needed to think much back then. More on impulse than anything else, he took out his empoleon and had it take him to the middle of the lake - if he was going to face the lake guardians anyway, might as well, he thought.  
His nerve started to fail him as he approached the mouth of the cavern, recalling what he'd read about Mesprit: that anyone who disturbed it would lose their emotions.

He'd just fallen in love. He didn't want to lose that.  
He was scared.

_Go visit Azelf._

Pearl looked around, but the voice he heard didn't echo like it should have if it came from inside the cave.

_You have so many emotions, but so many are fear. Azelf can help you more than I can._

A movement caught his eye, and Pearl whipped his head to the side just to catch a tail float out of view.

_Fear itself is not a bad thing. Neither is frustration, or even regret.  
You have many things important to you. Things you don't want to lose, things you don't want to be, things you don't want to do.  
Strong emotions are the proof and the burden of a strong heart.  
Oh! I called your boyfriend._

"Pearl?"

Pearl spun around, and Silver was standing behind him, gyarados bobbing in the water just beyond.

"Oh! Uh, hey, Silver!"

"What are you doing here?"

The whole scene was surreal, enough to make Pearl wonder if he was still dreaming, casting another look over his shoulder at the cave.

"Um… Nothing, I suppose. I thought about going in to see Mesprit, but I changed my mind." He turned back to Silver, still watching him attentively through the darkness of the too-early morning. "... What are you doing here?"

"... I hate waking up to find you missing. I.. Almost thought I dreamed everything."

Pearl took a step towards him, and Silver silently opened his arms, Pearl stepping gratefully into them.

"I'm not leaving you again. Promise." He rested his head on Silver's shoulder, letting his eyes drift closed. "And… I'm sorry, for breaking the last one."

"... Just don't do it again."

"Deal."

When Pearl opened his eyes again, the sun was starting to rise, the treeline around the lake starting to turn red.

_Oh, and Pearl?_

Pearl reluctantly lifted his head from Silver's shoulder to look back into the cavern behind him, just able to make out the soft glow of red in the darkness.

_Thank you♡_


	22. Chapter 22

While Silver and Pearl fell into many of their old habits together, the dynamic between them had changed. Only just setting out towards Oreburgh, they were already making plans to circle back to Floaroma and Gublife, cities Silver had rushed through on his way to Twinleaf. They weren't until the next town or next rematch: they were together because they wanted to be, and wherever they went, they'd go together.

They'd stopped making excuses for a lot of things, neither trying to justify sharing a tent or holding each other as they now often did. It was nice, but it gave Pearl a new set of worries, his fears of being weird now fears of being obvious.  
After what he'd done back in Floaroma, it seemed too good for Pearl to just go back to how they were before, but every day proved Silver to be a more forgiving man then Pearl had initially given him credit for. It was hard to imagine how he'd initially made Silver out as cold and impatient, reminiscing always reminding Pearl that Silver was the one always dragging him back every time he became distant.  
Falling in love seemed like a forsworn conclusion at this point, and admitting that to himself was becoming easier and easier as the days went on, making his time in denial more and more embarrassing in retrospect.

"By the way," Silver's eyes turned to look at him, his mouth turned into what was almost a smile, "I figured out what that pokemon we saw in Mt. Coronet was."

"Really?? How? What was it??"

At that Silver really did smirk, Pearl feeling himself grin in response.

"I visited the professor in Sandgem to see if I could talk to the one I know from Johto. I asked while I was there."

"Yes, and???"

"... It was a milotic. The evolved form of feebas."

"... What!? That super gross fish pokemon!?"

"You said you saw some in the lake, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but…" the pokemon they'd seen in the cave had been beautiful, it was hard to imagine it coming from world's ugliest pokemon.

"Apparently those lights probably triggered its evolution, or else we never would've seen it. They stick to the bottom of lake beds for the most part, though apparently they sometimes come up if people are having an argument near it. Guess I should have taken more of my frustration out on you during the fishing contest?"

It had been a while since Pearl had thought about that day. He'd decided he'd probably imagined the tension he felt after that, but had they been close to fighting? It felt far away now, but many of the fears he'd had then hadn't really been disproven, a wave of anxiety rising in him as Silver's sudden interest in the lake trio came to mind.

"... Were you mad at me? I mean, I'd dumped you in a lake, and then I ended up confessing something pretty awful to you…"

"You mean about Uxie? I don't care about that." He said it so flatly, Pearl almost thought he misheard him at first. "The way I see it, if a pokemon is so weak that it can't defend itself from some uniformed grunts, it has no right to call itself a legendary."

"That-- it wasn't Uxie's fault…"

Silver's eyes widened on him, and suddenly he turned away, face setting in a scowl.

"No, you're right. A pokemon is more than just its strength."

The following silence wasn't the comfortable one Pearl was used to between them now - it was tense and uneasy, summoning the same bubbling dread he'd felt their last day in Mt. Coronet. On instinct Pearl reached for his hand, but the moment he made contact Silver pulled away, moving out of his reach.

"... Don't touch me."


	23. Chapter 23

The two of them gathered badges on the way to Lake Valor - the coal badge in Oreburgh, the relic badge in Hearthome, the fen badge in Pastoria - but for the most part, they didn't stay anywhere for long. Silver didn't talk about it much, but Pearl could tell he was determined to get to Lake Valor, and the feeling always came with some of the same uneasiness. Pearl had tried to delay him in a few places - Hearthome especially was worth exploring - but the glare he got for it always made him shrink back.

Silver had said something was haunting Pearl. If that was true, then something was definitely haunting Silver too, and while Pearl didn't try to pry too much, there was something lonely about it. Not the loneliness he'd felt before meeting Silver, but a certain loneliness specific to not being able to reach him. He could see it in Silver too, his eyes darkening when Pearl asked him about it.

"If I could tell you now… I wouldn't need to see Azelf in the first place."

Sometimes he could hold his hand after talking about it, some reassurance that he was still there. Sometimes he couldn't. It was those times that Pearl stopped caring about his insecurities around the lake guardians, stopped thinking about the memories they weren't making in every city they passed through too quickly.

Whatever was haunting Silver, Pearl wanted it gone.  
So they hurried to Valor.


	24. Chapter 24

Finally, the two arrived at the Valor lakefront, Silver looking out at the large lake in front of them, with the small cave waiting at its center.

"... It's a relief, to see it like this."

Silver turned to look at Pearl, still gazing out over the lake. He caught his eye and smiled, nostalgic, and maybe a bit melancholy.

"I wasn't there, but Diamond told me about it. When Team Galactic came to take Azlef, they drained the lake to get to it. Diamond said he was walking over magikarp, just lying all over the ground, struggling to breathe…" He frowned, staring back over the lake. "... It's horrible to think about. I can barely imagine it. I can't believe a group of people could do something like that to so many pokemon, just to get what they wanted."

Silver felt his pulse accelerating, pounding in his ears as he watched Pearl's expression, thought about all the things he'd done, the pokemon he'd hurt or stolen without a thought to how any of them felt.  
The way those things were still a part of him. Impulses still being unlearned, heart still far from being changed.

"... Forget this."

"What? Forget what?"

"This, all of this!" He gestured out towards the lake, turning his back on it. "You can go face your fears or whatever, I'm not."

"Wait, but-" Pearl was panicking too now, and Silver could guess why. He knew Silver came here for a reason, one that he couldn't even look at Pearl after thinking about.  
He knew Pearl was lonely. But he also knew what would happen if he finally confessed who he was.

"I said, forget it!" He found a rock on the shoreline, sat down on it. "I'll wait here, you go take care of your business with Azlef."

Pearl hesitated, and then he stepped closer, Silver knowing before he started that he would try to reach for his hand.  
He didn't let him.  
If he knew, he wouldn't want to touch him. He didn't deserve it.

"... What is it you're scared of, Silver?"

"Nothing!! Shut up and leave already!"

"Why can't you tell me?"

He didn't even try to hide his loneliness this time, his voice as pleading as his eyes would have been if Silver could look at him.  
His chest ached. His heart hurt.  
This was stupid.

"Because… You wouldn't stay with me, if you knew."

"I won't leave you again."

"You will. I'm not the kind of person you think I am."

"Silver, I promised. I won't break that again. And I…. I want to be with you."

Pearl tried again to reach for him, and this time Silver turned away from him completely.

He knew. He knew that Pearl felt the same way he felt - but not really, not for the real him. He'd tricked him, made him believe he was someone he's not.  
Someone worthy of him.

… This was stupid.

"... I should tell you."

"You don't have to." Panic was still plain on his features, he could feel where the conversation was going, didn't want to end the illusion.

"I do. I should set things right." Because this wasn't right. Because none of this - the smalltalk, or the smiles, or the feeling of him in his arms, the feelings unsaid - none of that was meant for him.

Pearl looked like he wanted to object, but Silver was decided, and he knew that. He resigned to his determination.

"... Are you coming with me to Azlef, then?"

"No need. I don't need some pokemon's help just to speak." He said that, but already he felt the fear seeping in, grinding his teeth at the feeling of his legs starting to tremble. "All I have to do is tell you."

So he told him. Told him how he started his pokemon journey - with theft, stealing the professor's pokemon because it was supposed to be strong. How he treated his pokemon like tools, mistreated them, blamed every defeat on their weakness and threw them away when they failed him.  
How his father was the leader of Team Rocket, and how he only hated him because he failed, because he'd needed to depend on others, on _grunts_ , because he couldn't achieve anything himself. He'd hated Team Rocket, but he hadn't hated the stealing, the cruelty, the uncaring pursuit of power.  
He'd hated them, but for the wrong reasons. He was everything they were, except weak. And even then, that had been his weakness, made him lose to Gold, to Lance, to the kimono girls...

"... If it meant I'd get a strong pokemon, I would've drained the lake. Pokemon be damned. It would be their fault for not being able to breathe."

"... You don't still think like that."

"That doesn't matter. I _hurt_ pokemon - I hurt my partners." He buried his nails into his fists, not daring to look at Pearl. "... I'm exactly the kind of person you despise."

"You're not, Silver. I know that."

"How can you say that!?" He looked up, and against all odds, Pearl was smiling.

"I told you back at Coronet, didn't I?" He smiled wider, and Silver couldn't believe him. "Maybe you used to be someone like that, but you're not anymore. If you were, your crobat wouldn't have evolved for you."

"So what!? It's just a stupid pokemon, it doesn't know anything!!"

"You don't actually think that, do you?" It wasn't a question. He knew. "Crobat's traveled with you for a long time, he knows what kind of person you are." For a third time, Pearl reached for his hand, and this time, Silver let him.  
"I've been traveling with you for a while now too, and you're the farthest thing from someone I despise."

Silver just looked at him, at a loss for what to say, for how to feel. Part of him didn't feel anything, still didn't believe it, couldn't accept it - but the part that could was overwhelmed, gratitude and relief and  
Love.

He realized Pearl's gaze had fallen lower on his face, and Silver let his own eyes wander, down to his lips…  
He didn't notice when he started leaning in, when Pearl got closer. Didn't realize that their eyes were closing, until he felt Pearl's mouth against his, and then suddenly everything hit him at once and his hands buried themselves in his hair, pulling him in closer and holding him with a desperation never to let go again, terrified of losing him.  
He wouldn't. Pearl's hands moved into his own hair, cupped his face, and despite it all, he could still feel his smile.

"... What about you? Do you still need to see Azelf?"

They both were leaning against the rock now, Pearl staring out over the lake but no longer seeing the cavern at its center, his eyes with his heart, up in the clouds.

"Mmm…. Nope. I don't think I need to."

"You changed your mind about Mesprit too. Are you avoiding them?"

"What? No, I saw Mesprit, actually-- it called you my boyfriend!!"

"What?"

"Yeah, right before you showed up, it said 'I called your boyfriend'... Wait, but I left you a note.."

"You think I was looking for notes when I woke up!? It was dark, and you were gone."

Pearl just laughed at that, leaning against Silver's shoulder. Silver let himself press back into him, pressing a kiss into his hair, which after their shared emotional outburst now looked pretty ridiculous.

"What changed your mind then? Me?"

"No, just…" he looked up into the sky, completely at ease. "Going to see Azlef would mean I had something to be afraid of."

"... Don't you?"

"Do you think I should?" He looked over at Silver, his gaze carrying more weight now. "Should I be scared? Of Uxie?"

Silver met his gaze, mind returning to the conversations they'd had, what Pearl had shared with him.

"... You saved it eventually, didn't you?"

"Yeah. Me and Diamond, and Cynthia."

"... Then what's there to be scared of?"

"Exactly!"

Pearl laughed again, and the two stayed at the lakefront for a while longer, both their hearts lighter and more full then either could remember them being.

_The courage to trust the people you love, the courage to trust yourself… I'm glad you were both able to do it without my help.  
After all, I gave mankind willpower a long time ago~☆_


	25. Chapter 25

"Uxieeee? Are you here? Please don't erase my memories, I've made some pretty good ones recently!"

_I see that._

Where before there was only darkness, Uxie floated in front of Pearl, the red stone on its head shining as the only source of light.

_Many times you have thought to approach me, but this is the first time we have seen each other since you aided us at Spear Pillar. I have long wished to thank you for that day._

Pearl couldn't help but wince, his mind immediately turning to the day his help was useless.

_… You harbor much guilt towards me. But do not despair - it is not the result of your efforts that reflect your character, but your intention. You fought for my well being, and I am grateful for your concern.  
To know, even in the midst of being taken and exploited, that mankind still knew kindness towards us… It was an important piece of knowledge, for us who long shut ourselves away from the outside world.  
Even I was guilty of isolating myself from knowing the nature of man. You imparted important knowledge to me. That means more than you know._

Uxie floated unmoving, eyes closed, so still Pearl might think it was asleep if he couldn't hear its voice in his head. Even so, that voice summoned tears to his eyes, unable to respond as he fought back quiet sobs.

_Thank you, Pearl.  
I'm glad. It seems you've learned much since last we met.  
That knowledge, those feelings, the courage you've found on your journey - cherish and keep them. Through those things, you will continue to grow, and you are sure to live well.  
I, and all my siblings, give our blessings to you and your companion._

Silver turned at the sound of footsteps crunching against the snow outside Uxie's cavern, his arms unwrapping from around himself.

"Do you remember me?"

"I could never forget you." Pearl smiled, stepping into Silver's opened arms, burying his face in the front of his jacket.

"... I heard crying. Are you alright?"

"I'm good. I'm really good." He tightened his hold around Silver, both to reassure him and to remind himself - Silver was here, standing at his side, caring for him and holding him and _together, still_.

"Do you want to stay here a while?"

"Nah. Let's warm up." He detached himself from Silver's chest, grinning up at him. Silver smiled back, gently but with all the warmth in the world, and they turned together back in the direction of Snowpoint.

It was the mountain where they met, the same deep, endless snow. But to neither of them, ever again, would that mountain feel lonely.  
Not when they had each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read this far, I love you, and I probably owe you my first born child (I'm sorry I'm not planning on having any. You still get my love though.)


End file.
